I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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