Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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