any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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