I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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