She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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