Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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