the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
