Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just crazy horny about you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
