There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
