im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
