fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize