This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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