you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
