He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
