dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
