just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
