Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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