Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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