Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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