i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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