Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
