I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
