i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
