fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
