I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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