I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i will never coherently bang her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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