First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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