so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
