Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
