the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
