tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
