i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
