Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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