My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
