Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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