I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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