He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
