I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
