Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
