You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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