I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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