I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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