yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
