in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
