Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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