i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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