Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
