If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
