Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
