I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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