I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My feet surprised me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
