her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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