She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
