p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
