guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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