hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
