My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
