he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
