Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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