I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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