he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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