Sorry, I don't speak sober.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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