All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
